Is it right to be angry?
When betrayed by your spouse, it is very right and healthy to be angry. What is wrong is to allow anger to take over your reasoning faculties. Never allow anger to have you. No matter how serious the matter is, remember the admonition of Paul to the Ephesians in Eph. 4:26-27: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath neither give place to the devil”. You always have a chance in any situation to decide on how to react.
You have options. In the face of the highest provocation, you can still decide on how to react. You can choose to hit your spouse with a stick or just hold your peace. If you like, you can choose to show understanding or start cursing. You can choose to walk out on your spouse and call it quit, not considering your children or any other reason. Your marriage can still work in spite of your discovery. Remember Satan likes to take an advantage of us at our most vulnerable times. Do not be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. Nothing is really new under the heaven. What you need at this time is grace.
The erring partner
I know you did not intend to hurt your spouse. You could not say it probably because you did not know how your spouse might react. Praise God the matter has now come to limelight or you now have enough courage to open up. This is the beginning of your healing. Understand that no matter what your reasons were for concealing a truth from your spouse, you have acted treacherously. You are to play a major role in pacifying your spouse. Your utterances and composure will go a long way in determining the reactions of your spouse. You’ll need to help your injured spouse nurse his/her wounds in order to bring healing to your relationship. If your spouse is going to forgive you, you need to show contrition from your heart.
Never be tempted to accuse your spouse of exaggerating the gravity of the offense. No one including you would like to be deceived. If a thing matters so much to your spouse, then it matters. To trivialize what is a big deal to your spouse is seeking to break down the walls of your marriage. The problem is not the gravity of the story, but the fact that it was kept as a secret. Whatever your reasons were for keeping a secret from your spouse only reveals your selfishness and lack of consideration for your spouse. That the cat is let out of the bag is not the end of the world. How the matter is resolved determines what follows afterwards. There is no marriage crisis that cannot be resolved as long as the partners involved are willing to accept faults, apologize, forgive and change!
Say everything now.
If there are other secrets not yet uncovered, this is the time to say everything. Make all your confessions now and have your peace of mind later. Amazingly, you might be surprised at the maturity and understanding of your spouse to forgive. Even if you are not sure of how your spouse might react, you would have at least delivered yourself from anxieties, fears, sorrow of heart and the attending consequences. God can always handle the issue of your spouse. You can never be at real peace with God and your spouse if you retain any iniquity in your heart.
“If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.” (Psm.66:18)
You need a clear conscience devoid of guilt to relate with God. You also need a clear conscience to effectively relate with your spouse.